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How Do You Dream When You Are Trying To Survive? - WTF Aids Cancer Survivor & Calls For Support

October 14 2020 – Joshua Levi Rasen

How Do You Dream When You Are Trying To Survive? - WTF Aids Cancer Survivor & Calls For Support

How Do You Dream When You Are Trying To Survive? - WTF Aids Cancer Survivor & Calls For Support

What can you do when your life is hanging on a thread? How do you muster the courage that you need to keep fighting? How do you move on? How do you dream when you're trying to survive?

When i started this post, it was supposed to be an announcement of our charity pledge coupled with a little note to seek more support and help for this iron lady. However as i was about to finish writing this blog, something struck me which made me wipe out the entire post and rewrite it all over again...

As i try to picture myself in her shoes, these questions above popped right into my head...

It's hard to imagine what it's like to be fighting for your life; to have so much to live for, and to have everything slipping right through your fingers the very next moment. How does one confront the battle against cancer once, let alone face it with a strong heart four times? 

To me, that is one of the most inspiring things about this lady right here, Zaiton Abu Kassim...

I started working on this post a little over a week ago and it has taken me a long time to figure out what it's like to be in her shoes. Each day, i would find myself switching on my laptop and sitting down in a comfy corner in my room, trying to muster the courage to think the unthinkable; and each day, i would end up with the same answer, nothing...

As i pondered on her fight for survival, something began to dawn on me; something simple, yet impossible to stomach. When I lost my father about 3 years ago, it was probably one of the most difficult challenges in my life that i had to face. It was painful as none of us were prepared for his death. It came like a thief in the night; just stealing his soul away; silently and peacefully...

My beloved wife, CG, was in a state of shock, shaking and crying her heart out as she was extremely close to daddy; my mom felt the loss of my dad like a bomb that would hit our lands; swiftly killing your loved ones in an instant; leaving you no room to weep. My sister was in deep confusion, sadness and pain but what worried me the most, was my grandma...

At the age of 88, she had lost the 2nd of her 3 sons; leaving 1 alive and well. I believe that the worst thing a mother can possibly suffer is to be alive, watching her baby leave before her. To lose 1 child is simply impossible to bear, what more 2 sons...

As my grandma gasped for air in the moments she walked to the bathroom to see my father lying dead on the floor, it must have been the closest thing to death that she had felt. I remember my grandmother crying to me, asking why did God take her boys away; leaving her behind to suffer with a void that is impossible to fill...

Days felt like weeks to her, and months like years. From that moment on, my grandmother would never be the same again. She would often sit on a chair the whole day, looking across the hall to the picture of my father, with tears rolling down her eyes occasionally; just trying to sleep her days off. That would be her daily routine besides her meals and baths. With an eyesight that was deteriorating and kidneys that were failing, she was on the brink of giving up on life; looking forward to the days passing by; trying to run down her clock...

However whenever we were with her, we could still feel the love in her words and eyes. She would still be as compassionate and vibrant whenever visitors were around, hiding the horrors that tears her heart apart of having to live each day without being able to see her children again...

As i recall this moment today, i started to realise something my grandma said before she passed on. In her final months leading up to her death, i asked her,"How did you go through the things you went through mama? How did you have the courage to take on life; from the time you loss all your riches, almost going homeless with 3 little boys to feed, watching two boys crossover before you and still being able to hold on?" 

She turned her head and looked me in the eyes; turned back, closed her eyes with her head facing upwards while leaning on the back of the sofa, and with a smile on her face she said, "I still have all of you to live for..."

Remembering those words helped me understand the answer to the question i had at the beginning of this post...

What can you do when your life is hanging on a thread? How do you muster the courage that you need to keep fighting? How do you move on? How do you dream when you're trying to survive?

One thing is for sure, we will never know the answer to these death defying questions; however on a personal note, i know that Puan Zaiton's sheer will, determination, and hunger to survive for the sake of her children and all those who mattered to her, gave her the courage to keep fighting the good fight. There is simply no stronger purpose than to live for those you love...

The thought that there is someone waiting for us is enough to keep us holding on; reason enough to keep going. It is worth every ounce of blood, sweat and tears to have another moment with someone that we love, no doubt about that...

Looking at their lives, gives me the courage to face the challenges that i have to face each day. It makes our struggles look small and petty compared to that of which they had to undergo; and in a cruel way, it teaches us to take life a little easier, to laugh a little harder, and to live a little stronger...

Having said that, let us continue to extend our prayers to this wonderful lady right here, Pn. Zaiton; and just as how she has given all of us the courage to live freely, let's send her the strength to keep fighting the good fight...

And Puan, I owe you that coffee...

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As per our Charity Pledge, WTF has donated RM1,000 to Puan Zaiton as a tiny aid to ease her worries in these trying times; and will continue to search for more funds to give her the support that she needs to get through this phase of her life...

 

Here are her particulars for those who are looking to send her some aid. Please be mindful for those contacting her as she is still very weak and her daughter, Zara, answers her messages occasionally; nevertheless we are glad to know that she is recovering well and STRONG!  

Zaiton Abu Kassim  -   Maybank   -   1628 5204 5534

PM us for those who knows her or wishes to have her contact number to send some words of encouragement...

 

Tagged: breast cancer, cancer, charity, donation

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